I am a journalist. At least, that's what I tell myself so I won't feel bad about all the money I wasted on college.

And part of being a journalist is being observant. Because I have a short attention span, I don't tend to observe a whole lot beyond the simple stuff: "Fire is hot."

But there is one thing I have observed about human nature, which has been eating away at me for years. It's become a a pet peeve for me; one that most women will never encounter, and most men don't seem to notice.

I am talking about urinal behavior.

You might think there is really only one way to use a urinal: You go potty, and then when you're done, you flush. Right?

Wrong.

Over the years I have observed five different urinal techniques. I hope that by laying them out here, I will create a bit of awareness, which will lead to cleaner bathrooms, a sustainable environment and a little piece of sanity for me.

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Method 1: Miss

I won't go into graphic detail here (my editor would just delete it, anyway), but suffice to say, sandals are not recommended footwear in a high-traffic men's bathroom. The guy who misses is to blame.

I'm not some sort of specially trained FBI sharpshooter, I can't even hit a free throw in basketball, but I never miss the urinal. Most urinals are about 22 inches wide, and 30 inches high; I don't see how you could miss -- unless you're square dancing at the time.

Method 2: Go-Flush

This is the socially acceptable, cogent way to go potty. You go potty, then you flush. What could be simpler? The fact that there are so many men on this Earth who consistently do otherwise is, quite frankly, disconcerting.

Method 3: Go-Flush-Go

This happens when a fella flushes before he's done. Are these blokes in a hurry? Are they addicted to multi-tasking? What's so important in their lives that they can't spare the additional half-second it would take to flush the urinal after they're done?

Not surprisingly, these are usually the guys who don't wash their hands.

Method 4: Flush-Go

The offender simply reverses the second method. Doing things in the exact opposite way they are supposed to be done has a sort of Zen element, I think, but that doesn't make it right.

I can't begin to guess at the thought process for these guys. Are they clearing the way? Are they ensuring that a small woodland creature isn't hiding in the pipes, waiting to attack? I would ask them, but the answer would come out all garbled, like in a David Lynch film.

Method 5: The Changeup

This method simply borrows from the previous four. While I have witnessed any number of variations on the theme (including the ultra-baffling "Flush-Flush-Flush-Miss" -- I'm not making it up), the most common is "Flush-Go-Flush-Go-Flush."

This is just silly. The American West, and much of the world, is spiraling toward a major water crisis, and Mr. Changeup is leading the charge because he apparently loves the peaceful sound of water hitting porcelain.

I have no idea why so many men feel the need to perform such a simple task in such stupid ways. I am hoping that a wife or girlfriend will read this and instruct their beloved on proper restroom etiquette.

And while we're on the subject, I would like to ask that guys not talk to me while I am correctly using the facilities. I have had perfect strangers stand next to me and try to strike up a conversation. I don't go to the bathroom to mingle.

The worst example of this that I have ever encountered was at a baseball game, when a guy walked into the restroom and shouted: "So ... What does everyone think about what's going on in Israel?"

Was he expecting some sort of roundtable discussion? I can't say for sure, but I'll bet he missed.

Are there certain aspects of human nature that get under your skin? Drop me a line and let me know what they are.

Chris Cope is married, with no children. His column appears every other Tuesday.